“Chauvinistic or Chivalry”
SMASH! BANG! WALLOP! I wished that these had just been sound symbols from a cartoon but instead they were real sounds of a man publicly beating a woman on the street in Istanbul, as pedestrians just walked on by.
It was one of those occasions where I wished I’d never given up Karate at the age of twelve after only four lessons, so I could heroically intervene and stop the one sided beating. Instead I resorted to praying out loud to god: “Where the hell is Mr. Miyagi now? And then of course succumbing to asking the men in my vicinity, to help me, to help her. However, I was not prepared to hear their answer, which was that that it was probably a spouse fight, so there was nothing that they could do. The gasp that flew out of my mouth stunned them as much as my reaction to their unwillingness to act. It was at that point that they realized that I was a foreigner and so added an explanation. What these potential humane beings claimed was that they had no right to help. I was shocked that they could use that word “right” to defend their position. An ironic perception and abuse of the word “right.” But there I was, witness to a cultural law that supports men’s rights to own, possess and do whatever they want with their wives, as opposed to defending the women’s rights from abuse.
After a few seconds the woman arrived by my side and I asked if I could help her in some way. The men, who had been unwilling to help, had the cheek to look at her, upon which she informed them that it was a fight with her husband. They duly responded by nodding knowingly and saying, “Your husband? Oh ok,” like that was supposed to make everything all right.
Within the exchange of those two sentences it became very clear to me that there was a cultural code to this nation that I was completely unaware of. Having not grown up in Turkey, I had different values and beliefs ingrained in me, so I was not given the means to even begin to understand this code; just like they were not given the right to live by my European code.
Regardless of codes, it begged the question: how can something as monstrously outrageous as a public beating from a husband to his wife be culturally accepted in a country that wants to join the EU? It made me see the darker side of chauvinism that I had already been exposed to in smaller, subtler doses, here in Istanbul, but which I had come to accept as part of a macho society where women are second class citizens.
It could be argued that chauvinism at any level is destructive, but what amounts to chauvinism? Is opening the door for a lady chauvinistic behavior, with the presumption that a woman is not strong enough to do it herself? Or is she just far too precious to open a door? Could it be that gesture somehow benefits men, who can look at the women’s arse when she walks ahead of them…Or is it an act of chivalry?
Most women (from varying cultures) at some point in their lives have been guilty of having the desire of being rescued by a gallant prince, and I have seen the most hardened of ladies melt under the charm of a chivalrous gesture from a man. But I wonder in a chauvinistic society at what point chivalry just becomes a cover.
Therefore, the flipside to that horrific cultural code of behavior that I witnessed between the sexes are other cultural codes, which on the surface appear to benefit women but which I question the deeper meaning of. For example in Turkey men are expected to pay for the women and the women allow them that privilege. What is the intrinsic message here? By a man paying for a woman, is he buying her? Or owning her? What is the payback? Is it that in the beginning he gets a kiss? Then sex? And what after that – a woman’s rights? It sounds a little dramatic but these cultural codes feed each other in the power steaks where the man is the T-Bone and the woman the giblets.
In Europe the empowerment of women has led to men relinquishing that “chivalry or chauvinistic” (depending on your view point) gesture of paying for the woman; a rather interesting notion don’t you think?
…So, how much is a black eye worth these days? A starter, main meal, or just a dessert?
Tuesday 9 June 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)