Firestarter

Firestarter


The proverb: “It is unwise to bite the hand that feeds you” is one I have found to ring true; however there are occasions where I believe that it is necessary to take a large bite if you trust that there will be an evolvement during the healing process that culminates in an improvement in the matters that led you to bite.

Nevertheless, I have always admired the robustness of my friends who are able to knuckle down, keep their focus and stay in a job, home and neighborhood for longer than six months, without ever biting the hand that feeds them

This has not been the case for me. At times I question whether this fighting spirit makes me a fool or a hero? After all there is something to be said about said about being humble that I have yet to grasp. Perhaps I never will since I can only live and breathe in a place where, I am firstly free to have an opinion and secondly, have the avenue to voice it. Needless to say I am a nightmare in the workplace. Where most people keep their heads down and mouths shut, I challenge every piece of injustice with as much vigor as Joan of Arc - from something seemingly trivial as lunchtime regulations to the more serious offence of victimization in the work place.

As a consequence I feel that part of my life purpose is to go into a workplace and start a fire; the effect gets everybody hot under the collar and makes those who have been unwilling to act, do so. However, nobody wants to get burnt alive, and people with a need to protect themselves from truth and change, want me out. Normally that’s when I have to leave, having pissed off the well-established system and people within it, who were quite comfortable hiding under the fire blanket that I rip away. No immortal, the flames begin to burn me too - rarely have I been appreciated for my frank honesty and passionate sense of integrity, which compels me to invoke others to react.

It was after one such forceful evacuation that I found myself in Turkey, where I have adopted the same philosophy to work as I have towards my attitude towards this country.

I love Turkey (just as I loved the many organizations I worked for). The diversity of the monoculture is invigorating; the exciting, scandalous, powerful, history of this nation brings out the warrior in me; the diverse environmental landscape fulfills my visions of magical lands; the artistic influences paint pictures in my mind and move my heart to its beat; the cultural mixes of meandering timescales mixed into the melting pot of today’s date, bring the past and present into the moment; the food, ahh yes the food and finally and most importantly, the passionate people who battle on, despite the
incongruence of political lies and corrupt systems. A people who are teetering on the edge of possibility, and like a ripe fruit are about to burst and spread the seed of what it is to be Turkish all around the world.

It is here in Turkey that I have found love in a man, seen the rawness of all human emotions (as people wear their hearts on their sleeves) and have come to understand and appreciate the sanctimony of family life. It is this country that has stirred me up and somehow had the effect of poking my fire.

No longer a person with romantic notions of one day perhaps going for my dreams, I am now living them. Somehow I have grown into my skin, and I have the energy of this land and its people to thank for that (as well as my Beloved Guru, who drew me to be here).

And it is with this need and passion that I write, often critically about this wondrous place. Like in the workplace I cannot keep my head down and mouth shut, and it is precisely because I give a shit that I can’t - because I want the best for myself and those around me. I want to give back what it is I have received. My very being here begs me to do so.

A combination of my heritage and environment has contributed to the way I relate to Turkey. As a hot Arabian in a cold land, I spent nine months of every one of my growing years in the inner city of London (at times in a pulp fiction lifestyle) and three months in the serenity of Cypriot life. This led to the exposure of vastly different cultures and environments, which then allowed me to draw comparisons and see the beauty and the beast in each place. On a personal level the beauty and the beast within were also exposed: “Where ever you go, there you are.” (Adi DA Samraj)

My desire is to grow, and to be in an environment that promotes that growth. If I see something not in line with that or an issue or dynamic, which somehow is an obstacle, I will endeavor to challenge it - to somehow remove it. The only power I have are my words and my passion – my desire for Turkey to move out and be a force to be reckoned with in the world.

Does this make me an antagonistic, a troublemaker, or a brave warrior? I guess that depends on whether you are offended by me biting the hand that feeds me…