Which city now...Istanbul or London?

So it's been 4 years and 4 months since my arrival to Istanbul. I came with no expectations other than to have a change, spend time with my mum and write....well all three of those have been achieved.

The change from London to Istanbul was HUGE! Hills instead of flat landscape, sun instead of rain, tasty food instead of processed shit, the Bosphoros as opposed to the Thames....

Then there were the things that surprised as being somewhat similar to London: great nightlife and fun and funky young population where everyone is a toker! That took me by surprise!!!

There was stuff that grated me too...like the fact that if I wore a miniskirt I was at times called a whore; grown men taking a detour just to come and stare at my crotch (if I wore leggings); children talking to their parents rudely, parents taking that shit; men talking to women rudely, women taking that shit...

The overall lack of rights, inequality all round from gender to socio economic status and even region was not a surprise, but nevertheless left a nasty taste in my mouth that even a good kebab couldn't irradicate.

Then there is the money...Unlike the rest of Europe, Turkey is flourishing right now, businesses are thriving and Istanbul is becoming a city that people are talking about. Business, culture, heritage, food, nightlife....Istanbul has it all...

Such a diverse city....even if it is a paradox at times...For example it has an accepted tranny population and unaccepted gay population; a large amount of accepted prostitution and unaccepted exposure to sex in TV and media; an accepted amount of adultery for men and unaccepted adultery for women; drink driving, driving without seatbelts and backsheesh if you get caught by the police - totally acceptable; straightening out a recklass driver, asking someone to not drink and drive and wearing a seat belt - totally unacceptable...

So it's been a trip!

On a personal tip I achieved a shit load but everything is still hanging....I wrote two books, but still looking for an editor and publisher....got married, but still waiting for it to feel real....became a yoga teacher, but still waiting to teach...got script ideas, but yet to write the script...

There needs to be a shift. Will the new Chinese Year of the Rabbit bring that?...2010 Year of the Tiger was fast-paced, at times volatile, full of unsettling change...The Rabbit year is sensitivity, diplomacy and a slower pace...a time to catch my breath I hope and be the year to lay new foundations.

Overall stanbul has given me so much...time with my family, beautiful friends, a beautiful new love, the time and creative freedom to write....But now what am I going to do with it all?

Do I need to move back to London to truly unwrap all these gifts...Will I find editors, agents and publishers more easily in London? Will my film connections over there inspire and help me? Will I be taken on by my friend as a yoga teacher at her school? Will my marriage have more chance of survival?

Some people say it is the person and not the place that makes it happen...Although I believe that to be true, an environmet can draw out different qualites and strengths. I leant this very quickly the year I went travelling around SE Aisa.

Back in 2000 each country enlivened me in another way: Thailand was fun and frollicking and also exposed dark hidden secrets that lay buried within; Cambodia was dark, haunting and beautiful - it was my reflection at that time; Loas the lesson in love - karmic painful lessons; India, oh India, my fire became lit in a place that never let me burn. I shone when I danced and my shakti shook me up. The child angels came to my rescue - buoys to my drowning heart; Bali was sexual and tropically - kind of of like my sister D who came to holiday with me at that time and Australia showed me that despite how far I had come there was still a long inner jurney to embark on...

The countries revealed me to myself and since we are all one and the same thing the places were really also only me - The Ego -the biggest illusion sees what it wants - The heart the only real source can burn that.

So yes a person is the one to make it happen AND a place can help. Through self awareness the heart becomes freed from the clutches of the ego...then the force becomes surrender and the happen happens anyway.

So I ask, which is the right place for me now, for the ‘make it happen’ to become a happening?